Uchi

Imagine if Gisele were a filthy homeless bag lady.

She’s won the genetic lottery and probably exercises twenty hours a day, but without makeup and a miniskirt she’d just be an abnormally tall vagrant pushing a lopsided grocery cart.

It would be difficult to watch. You’d probably want to yell something like “Take a shower and get on the runway!”

Uchi evokes the same frustration.

The food was phenomenal. The head chef must be quite gifted to create dishes that combine flavors so unusual yet perfectly matched. Sautéed scallops with peaches? A tiny masterpiece.

We splurged and went with the Omakase, a ten course tasting dish for two and all ten courses were spectacular. Don’t ask me to name them all, as the pronunciation alone would have my tongue in knots, but the $200 cost that initially had me speechless was justified by the quality of the food.
Another memorable favorite was the Wagyu ribeye, which was perfectly cooked and sliced down to chop-stick friendly pieces. Each bite had a brilliant oak flavor on the outside which transitioned to a wonderfully barbaric raw beef flavor in the middle.

Ohh…and the moonfish served on a brick of frozen salt turned out to be an intriguing way to play with the temperature and salinity of the dish while dining.

I could go on.

But by now you’re probably waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why the frustration?

Two reasons – ambiance and service.

Let’s start with the ambiance. I realize that everyone wants to “Keep Austin Weird”, but if that means not knowing when formality is required then I’d rather be normal. The dress code was non-existent with patrons wearing everything from suits to t-shirts. This lack of an attire preference leads to an identity crisis for the restaurant. Is it a hip sushi bar for UT students or a posh altar of fine dining? If you have a $200 tasting menu you should request jackets and be done with it.

It seems the restaurant decided to squeeze in as many tables as possible. Our booth was too cozy for my taste so I was inadvertently playing footsie all evening (sorry Joseph!). Claustrophobia set in around the fourth course.

Now on to the service. Our waiter’s understanding of the menu was quite impressive and he had an excellent knowledge of each dish. But each course came out at random time intervals, often times stacking on top of one another. I realize that this was likely a logistical problem with the kitchen, but I expect better from a restaurant with this caliber of food. There’s nothing worse than feeling rushed when you’re savoring the flavor of delicate Trout roe.

The check had some questionable issues (one of the ten courses was billed separately), and the overall quoted price of $200 for the Omakase was actually $214.

Rounding isn’t cool.

That sounds like a bad experience, but the food alone was worth the price of admission and they got more things right than wrong.

It’s just difficult to watch a supermodel digging through a dumpster without thinking “if only”. Hopefully the owner of Uchi will see the potential and put on some lipstick.

Food: 5 Cuy
Ambiance: 4 Cuy
Service: 3.5 Cuy
Value: 4 Cuy

Overall:
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Are you dating an Austinite who believes that food shouldn’t be cooked above 115°F? You can bring her here if you’d like, but honestly I’d dump the pretentious girl and find someone who would appreciate the splendid food. Preferably someone with patience.

*By now you've probably noticed that the pictures don't match the text very well and seem to be of low quality. I took a picture of each course, but the lighting was very dim and many of the pictures look like an unrecognizable blob on a plate. So I used the ones that still look like food.