Cascabel

After years of searching, I was finally able to track down the rarest of dining establishments in San Antonio - a Mexican Restaurant.

Located at 1000 S. St Mary's this unusual and delicate beast was found tucked behind a metal gate, presumably to prevent it from unleashing flavorful tortillas on humanity.

But seriously - just type "Mexican Restaurant" into Google maps and you'll get a picture of San Antonio resembling the face of an adolescent band nerd. (And no, you can't see my freshman marching band portrait. Sequins, saxophones, and acne are not a flattering combination. Just ask Kenny G.)

Not that I would criticize San Antonio's overabundance of Mexican Restaurants - I love enchilades verdes as much as the next guy - but it makes you wonder how Cascabel sets itself apart.

I'm glad you asked.

Well, for starters, you can't order a margarita. There's a school across the street (Bonham Elementary) and it seems the legislators are afraid a 9-year-old is going to saunter across S. St Mary's and chug a Corona before recess. It's either that or, more logically, they're trying to keep drunks away from children. So it's BYOB, which means you'll be strolling past the school yard with your "forty" in a brown paper bag.

The patio has the same laid-back atmosphere as a friend's backyard, complete with a skipping CD player repeating the same note from the mariachi's trumpet. I went home with the urge to make a spanish guitar techno remix, but was saddened to discover that someone beat me to it. The ornate cast aluminum tables look nice, but they also turn the simple task of setting down your beer into a sobriety test. Although I paid for parking, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Cascabel wasn't crowded on First Friday.

Mexican restaurants tend to be judged by the quantity and quality of their food, and I was surprised to find Cascabel lacking in the former. It's odd - who's heard of a mexican restaurant with small (and by "small" I mean "appropriately sized for a normal adult") portions? It seems strange, but I enjoyed leaving the table without the post-dinner bloat that follows most of our Friday meals.

The quality was good, and the value was great (nine of us ate for less than a total of $90*). Don't let the swine flu turn you off to their pork dishes, as these guys make a mean pulled-pork torta and a spicy pork chili specialty known as the Puerco Cascabel. Nothing stuck out in my head as being a future craving, but with most dishes priced at $7 you get quite a deal.

So next time I'm in Southtown craving mexican food, I'll do the following:

1. Check my wallet to see if I can afford Azuca
   
2. Damn the current economic climate and mumble about the recession


3. Head toward Rosario's


4. Remember that Cascabel exists (Aha!)


5. Buy a 40 oz bottle of Lone Star at the convenience store


6. Enjoy a nice meal at Cascabel for a reasonable price


7. Offer alcohol to a third grader (I'm joking officer!)
   

And I suggest you do the same! um...well... minus that last part. It turns out you can go to jail for that.

Food: 3.5 Cuy

Ambiance: 3 Cuy

Service: 3.5 Cuy

Value: 4.5 Cuy

Overall:

After six dates she still won't let you get to second base? Save your money for lapdances and go dutch at Cascabel. It's good to know that some things are tasty and a good value. And who knows, she might be impressed by your new casual style and finally let you graze a boob. Whatev.

*Rich - I think I still owe you twenty bucks