A Yuppie's Review: Santa Maria Mexican Restaurant (aka Floating Jesus Head)

Working on the southside of San Antonio has its drawbacks. Long work commutes, questionable vehicle safety, and an abundance of loiterers at gas stations are just a few downsides that come to mind. But after getting over the initial fear of the unknown I've come to appreciate the impressive array of radiator repair shops, pawn shops, and....cheap mexican food.

Santa Maria Mexican Restaurant is one of the aforementioned fine dining establishments, which Mey introduced me to after going with some coworkers. Like many of the cafés in the area, the building appears to have been converted from a private residence what it is today. The architectural wrought-iron accents encasing the windows are a nice touch, reminding me of a nearly bygone era where protecting personal property would take precedent over fire safety.

On the lunch shift you'll frequently find telenovelas playing on the 13-inch Daewoo TV mounted on the wall, but today we didn't have such luck. We walk in the side door and seat ourselves, and even though there is always a steady stream of customers for lunch, I've never had a problem finding a table. Table spacing is appropriate and for the most part people spread out.

There is no need to raise your voice for conversation, which is good as the waitresses tend to be quite soft-spoken. Waitresses meet the standard for this type of place, wearing what seems to be almost a universal uniform of tight blue-jeans combined with a tight, white, baby tee. Waitress ages range from "is she old enough to work?" to "is that the michelin man?". They are always very polite, but bear in mind that they speak very little english, which is great because it forces me to use my spanish.
Gringo survival guide:
The first time the waitress asks you a question, listen for the word "tomar" which indicates she is requesting your drink order. Be aware that sodas are served by cans (with ice) and refills aren't free. I usually stick to agua.
The second time she'll probably ask for your food order. The menu is Denny's-style with pictures for everything. The "especial" is usually a good bet and will bring a ton of food for a small amount

of money.
This one always catches me. The next question tends to be "do you want flour or corn tortillas with your meal" - in spanish of course. Maiz is corn, harina is flour. Both are tasty.

So on our recent visit, Mey orders a "torta" which is a tasty Mexican sandwich that can be ordered with a variety of meats. It's large enough to fill up most people for lunch and costs a whopping $3.25. I can hardly make a sandwich at home for that little cash. I went with the "especial" which was a mixed fajita plate including chicken (pollo) and beef (rez). As you can see in the picture, it's a lot of food for $5.50.

The food has a very distinct flavor to it. This isn't the over-processed, tasteless food that we eat every day at the nearest Chile's analogue. But it's also not the top grade, straight-from-a-dead-baby-cow-to-you food that you'll find at finer restaurants. It's gristly, fatty, and full of it's own unique flavor. You really have to appreciate it for what it is, and accept that you'll probably have to spit some part of it into your napkin. This really is a beautiful and distinctive type of food that you won't find at the more clinical executions of Mexican food on the north side of town. There's also a ton of it, and you won't leave hungry if you have five bucks in your pocket. You may leave sleepy, though, and productivity has been known to drop in the hours immediately following lunch at Santa Maria.

The hallmark of Santa Maria is a fascinating photograph on the wall of the restaurant. The mirrored frame brings out the subtlety, and while it would be disgustingly tacky in a TGIFridays, this picture is quite obviously someone's pride and joy. The waitress smiled proudly when I took a picture of it for this blog. This photograph appears to have been taken in the 80's, but it's exact age is difficult to gauge. It's important to note that on the day the picture was taken, Jesus and the Virgin Mary were looking down from the heavens and smiling upon the rooftop of this establishment. They can be seen fading into the clouds, and they help to give this restaurant the fascinatingly sincere religious overtone that permeates artwork of the community.