Europa

It’s 6pm on an unremarkable Tuesday. You’re on your way home from a hard day at the office when the phone rings. The husky voice on the other end demands that you bring specific items to a neutral location in ten minutes or you’ll never see your family again. The kidnapper with the muffled Eastern-European accent requests:

• 4 cans of Norwegian Cod Liver
• 2 boxes of Italian Polenta
• Polish Krupnik Soup – with mushroom and barley flavor
• Amish Cheese
• 7 links of Nuernberger Bratwurst
• 3 Italian Silk Ties
• And a Muffuletta Sandwich

What do you do?

Start writing a eulogy. There’s no way that you’ll get to Europa to snag these items in ten minutes with Stone Oak’s traffic.

But you should probably head there anyway for a comforting Prosciutto sandwich to help you mourn your loss. Chicago Bar is conveniently next door in case you feel up to finding a replacement spouse after filing the police report.

We made a precautionary trial run on Monday afternoon at Rich’s recommendation. After all - you never know when a kidnapper is going to abduct your family (highly unlikely) and request obscure European grocery items (absurdly improbable).

After walking in the front door you are immediately struck by the schizophrenic nature of this store. On one hand the dispassionately sterile, characterless edifice leads you to expect Wal-Mart shelving with neatly displayed Proctor & Gamble goods. On closer inspection you’ll find the well-organized displays are not filled with the trappings of suburbia but rather with foreign cooking items sitting awkwardly next to one another like a United Nations of pedestrian food.

I asked a pleasant Italian woman (the owner) for her suggestion. Her response:

“I’m around this stuff all day so, truthfully, I’m sick of all of them.”

Less than comforting, but I appreciate the honesty. She went on to mention that the Muffuletta was available although not shown on the menu. Mey was sold on the olive-filled Muffuletta and I went with a more conservative Serrano Ham sandwich. Some artichoke dip held us over while the cashier/hostess/chef/butcher/owner gradually attended to the two other customers on this lazy Monday.

The fruits of her labor were two flavorful sandwiches with distinctly different characters.

I would liken the muffuletta to a slender bra-less Greek woman with the self-confidence of an investment banker and a nose large enough to detect her own mildly intrusive body odor. Overwhelming yet delicious, olive dominates this sandwich and sears the salami flavor in your mind making a concoction seemingly too grandiose for a deli counter. If it hadn’t been served on mediocre bread next to a pickle spear it could easily be mistaken for more elevated cuisine.


My Serrano ham sandwich was good, but was more similar to a Volkswagen Golf than a bra-less Greek woman. Certainly not without flavor or utility, it was comprised more of well-executed familiarity and less of intriguing individuality.

As we watched the jovial Italian owner tally our diminutive $20 tab using the same cash register often seen at Southside taquerias, it made me wonder if there is room in Stone Oak for a Deli like this. Sharing a shopping center with a Wine Bar and a 24-hour childcare center paints a picture of a neighborhood more suited for a drive-thru mass-produced Quiznos (literally right across the street) than a unique offering like Europa.

I hope I’m wrong on that one.

Food: 4 Cuy
Service: 4 Cuy
Ambiance: 4 Cuy
Value: 4.5 Cuy

Overall:
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Are you dating a shy eastern european woman who's not yet sure if you're a predator? Take her on a nice casual lunch date to this place.

I'd like to give a shout out to Rich and Caroline for turning us to this place.   He also wrote an excellent review with more pictures that can be found here.

Oloroso

I like Southtown. If property values are any indication, I’m not alone.

As a pseudo-yuppie, you would think that I would be at odds with hippie/artsy Southtown, but it’s actually a symbiotic relationship. Without these cultured artists, yuppies wouldn’t have:

• Stuff to hang on the white walls of our minimalist suburban houses


• Folksy music to listen to while driving our European cars


• Sad monochromatic cinema


• Meaningful poetry to pare down to meaningless motivational posters


• Desirable gentrified neighborhoods with character like Southtown

On the other hand, if it weren’t for yuppies, the artists wouldn’t have:

• Rent Money


• Gas Money


• Grocery Money


• Money for mind-altering pharmaceuticals

So it’s a win-win situation. It seems that out of this equation came my favorite coffee shop (Casa Chiapas) and several unique restaurants including a relatively new venture called “Oloroso”.

Oloroso boasts on its website that their menu is “structured to use seasonal produce from sustainable south and central Texas farms”.

Wow.

I almost feel bad that our table of six people valet parked four cars – three of which were built outside the US and shipped here*. Good thing I’m not a hippie; I don’t think I could squeeze my carbon footprint into a pair of woven hemp Birkenstocks.

The menu had a lot of interesting choices ranging from Scallops (locally sourced?) to Rabbit. Our waitress was very nice and capable, but the service felt like a good high school play. The motions were correct (Glasses were full, crumbs were cleared, etc), but the confidence and nuance were lacking (“I just learned how to pronounce Charcutiere!”). It was charming in its candor, but not what I expected.

I started with the “Grilled Marinated Quail with spicy Herb Salad, grilled Piquillo Peppers and Sherry Onion Relish” as an appetizer and it was good stuff. A quail egg was served on top and proved to be the most flavorful egg I’ve ever had despite its diminutive size. The quail was quite good and the gamey taste went well with the onion relish.

Next up was the “Seared Diver Scallops on top of Parsley Root Puree, roasted Kohlrabi and Wild Mushrooms finished with a Sherry Reduction and Prosciutto”. Quite a mouthful.

It looked impressive with the large scallops spaced horizontally across the oblong plate and artfully dressed with Prosciutto. The flavor was good too, but it didn’t knock my socks the way my eyes told my mouth it would. Perhaps my expectations were a little high, but after sampling Mey’s decidedly average Roasted Pork Loin, I couldn’t in good conscience give exemplary cuy marks to the food.

The Chocolate Pots du Crème (Chocolate Mousse as far as I can tell) was an excellent finish to the meal, with a rich flavor complemented by fruits and nuts. The portions were proper and had me rubbing my belly with gluttonous glee as the meal came to an end.

While waiting for the check we watched the energetic valet positioning our cars as though they were F-14 Tomcats on the flight deck. The result was an impressive sight; the four cars were stacked in formation with each driver’s door propped open as if to say “I missed you – come drive me”. A most impressive valet.

I recommend this place. The food is good, the atmosphere is pleasant, and it’ll make you feel like one of those hip art-patronizing yuppies that’s “in the know”.

Food: 4 Cuys
Ambiance: 4.5 Cuys
Service: 3.5 Cuys
Value: 3.5 Cuys

Overall:

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Dating a woman who pulls her American Express from a Prada purse to buy a Carbon Offset? If she also listens to world music from artists you've never heard of, then this might be a good place for the two of you.

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*Extra points to anyone who can guess which one of our four cars was built in the heartland of America (in my birth-state). Please post your answer in the comments section. Note that only one of these vehicles was built in a place where English is the primary language:

Honda S2000
Acura TL
Mazda RX8
Pontiac Trans-Am WS6

The Grill at Leon Springs - Sunday Brunch Buffet

Ah yes….brunch.

I’ve always thought of brunch as a culinary peculiarity capitalizing primarily on three demographics: church-goers, the elderly, and yuppie married couples. Basically, the people wearing slacks on a Sunday.

But I hold a special place in my heart for whoever made it socially acceptable to drink booze before noon on the “Lord’s day”. Remember - you’re not an alcoholic as long as it’s mixed with juice and served in a champagne glass….

As a side note, Mey giggles a bit every time she orders a Champagne and OJ cocktail. It seems that “Mimosa” is a common brand of feminine sanitary napkin in Peru.

On to the review…
After a spirited top-down drive down through the hill country in Mey’s car, we found ourselves in Leon Springs with a hankerin’ for some breakfast. We walked into a rather empty restaurant at about 11:45, ordered some cranberry juice and made our way to the buffet.

Since everyone has the attention span of a gnat these days (myself included), here’s the lowdown on The Grill via PowerPoint. Click on the drop down arrow to zoom in if you'd like. Or click on the link to go to a bigger view.

The Grill

Publish at Scribd or explore others:

I feel a little un-American saying this, but…..the portions were too big. I know, I know… I might as well confess that I think monster trucks are vulgar and that Pamela Anderson is excessively endowed. So what's the problem with large portions? I ended up feeling like an overindulgent slob for not cleaning my plate, and I didn't get to taste a bit of everything. My tastebuds are promiscuous.

I feel it was a bit overpriced. In today rough economic times, a $19/person brunch buffet should include coffee and juice. It didn’t. Total bill (including tip) came to about $60.

I suppose nobody told Chef Thierry that we’ve had two consecutive quarters of contracting GDP. I don't think he's worried as it seems he has enough coin to spring for a slick new website.

This isn't really a full review, so I'll forgo the detailed Cuy breakdown and just stick to the overall score. Drumroll please........

Overall:




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Did you just roll out of a Cougar's bed in the Dominion? Get her to take you here in the morning. Don't spend your hard earned coin and it'll be a lot more enjoyable.

If anyone knows of a better way to upload and link to a ppt file, please feel free to leave a comment for me with instructions. Thanks!