Europa

It’s 6pm on an unremarkable Tuesday. You’re on your way home from a hard day at the office when the phone rings. The husky voice on the other end demands that you bring specific items to a neutral location in ten minutes or you’ll never see your family again. The kidnapper with the muffled Eastern-European accent requests:

• 4 cans of Norwegian Cod Liver
• 2 boxes of Italian Polenta
• Polish Krupnik Soup – with mushroom and barley flavor
• Amish Cheese
• 7 links of Nuernberger Bratwurst
• 3 Italian Silk Ties
• And a Muffuletta Sandwich

What do you do?

Start writing a eulogy. There’s no way that you’ll get to Europa to snag these items in ten minutes with Stone Oak’s traffic.

But you should probably head there anyway for a comforting Prosciutto sandwich to help you mourn your loss. Chicago Bar is conveniently next door in case you feel up to finding a replacement spouse after filing the police report.

We made a precautionary trial run on Monday afternoon at Rich’s recommendation. After all - you never know when a kidnapper is going to abduct your family (highly unlikely) and request obscure European grocery items (absurdly improbable).

After walking in the front door you are immediately struck by the schizophrenic nature of this store. On one hand the dispassionately sterile, characterless edifice leads you to expect Wal-Mart shelving with neatly displayed Proctor & Gamble goods. On closer inspection you’ll find the well-organized displays are not filled with the trappings of suburbia but rather with foreign cooking items sitting awkwardly next to one another like a United Nations of pedestrian food.

I asked a pleasant Italian woman (the owner) for her suggestion. Her response:

“I’m around this stuff all day so, truthfully, I’m sick of all of them.”

Less than comforting, but I appreciate the honesty. She went on to mention that the Muffuletta was available although not shown on the menu. Mey was sold on the olive-filled Muffuletta and I went with a more conservative Serrano Ham sandwich. Some artichoke dip held us over while the cashier/hostess/chef/butcher/owner gradually attended to the two other customers on this lazy Monday.

The fruits of her labor were two flavorful sandwiches with distinctly different characters.

I would liken the muffuletta to a slender bra-less Greek woman with the self-confidence of an investment banker and a nose large enough to detect her own mildly intrusive body odor. Overwhelming yet delicious, olive dominates this sandwich and sears the salami flavor in your mind making a concoction seemingly too grandiose for a deli counter. If it hadn’t been served on mediocre bread next to a pickle spear it could easily be mistaken for more elevated cuisine.


My Serrano ham sandwich was good, but was more similar to a Volkswagen Golf than a bra-less Greek woman. Certainly not without flavor or utility, it was comprised more of well-executed familiarity and less of intriguing individuality.

As we watched the jovial Italian owner tally our diminutive $20 tab using the same cash register often seen at Southside taquerias, it made me wonder if there is room in Stone Oak for a Deli like this. Sharing a shopping center with a Wine Bar and a 24-hour childcare center paints a picture of a neighborhood more suited for a drive-thru mass-produced Quiznos (literally right across the street) than a unique offering like Europa.

I hope I’m wrong on that one.

Food: 4 Cuy
Service: 4 Cuy
Ambiance: 4 Cuy
Value: 4.5 Cuy

Overall:
.
.


Are you dating a shy eastern european woman who's not yet sure if you're a predator? Take her on a nice casual lunch date to this place.

I'd like to give a shout out to Rich and Caroline for turning us to this place.   He also wrote an excellent review with more pictures that can be found here.