Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Mariposa - Neiman Marcus

Ok, so I broke the chain rule. For my dorky engineering friends I need to clarify; not this chain rule:

but rather the rule that I made to abstain from reviewing chain restaurants. Don’t expect a deluge of Olive Garden retrospectives, but rules are made to be broken - except for the actual chain rule, which I wouldn’t dare disparage. I’m such a bad boy.

What’s that you say? Bad boys don’t have brunch at Neiman Marcus?

You’ve got me. Maybe I need leather pants. On with the review.

Ever wish that you could eat Quiche and buy a $3,400 Marc Jacobs dress in the same building?

Want a salmon burger and a $3,500 Valentino Tote?

Got a craving for Chicken Tetrazzini and a $115 unremarkable Armani T-shirt?

Me neither.


But the food at Mariposa is pretty good, and the ambiance is great if you like open modern stuff (which I do). The San Antonio Current named Mariposa among their list of the “Best Places to Feel Like You’re Not in SA”, which I find to be an unusual honor for Neiman Marcus to place so prominently on their website. Perhaps I’m reading too much into it, but I take this as boasting the “Best Place to Escape the Proletariat”. This is certainly an odd distinction coming from a popular countercultural left-wing periodical like the Current.

The virtue in this assertion is that the service is a great value with the waiters including the small touches typically found at more expensive restaurants. It shows that they have experience catering to the whimsy of upscale clientele. In fact the next time I go I’ll probably wear something nicer than my Journey Concert Tee and torn Levi’s. Live and learn.*

Fortunately my attire didn’t stop them from placing a tasty shrimp bisque in the middle of the tasteful mid-century modern place setting.



It had all the characteristics that I look for in a good soup:

  • Proper temperature - check
  • Good consistency - check
  • Good flavor - check
We moved on to the main course (and special of the day) of shrimp quiche. The flavors lit up my senses with a euphoria typically relegated to substances smuggled across the border in an immigrant’s body cavity. I anticipated each bite with the trembling enthusiasm of a 15-year-old boy who has wormed his way into a topless bar.

Ok, not really.


The quiche looked every bit of it, but the flavor didn’t match the presentation. It wasn’t bad, as the crust and eggs were light and fluffy and the shrimp was a delicate complement rather than an overpowering theme. But if you were to detach yourself from the appetizing appearance, you would discover the quiche had as much passion as the Land Rover driving soccer moms that peppered the restaurant. And they appeared to be essentially ironing boards with tennis bracelets.

Would I go back solely for the food?

Probably not. But the ambiance is so serene and affluent that it’s easy to momentarily forget that you can’t afford the positively obscene diamond-encrusted crystal goblet thirty steps from your table in the “housewares for the rich and famous” department.
So go ahead and have that second espresso and appreciate Mariposa for what it is: a place to escape the “working class” for a little while - even if you happen to be one of them like me.
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Food: 3 Cuy
Service: 4.5 Cuy
Ambiance: 4.5 Cuy
Value: 3 Cuy
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Overall:
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Are you dating someone who looks like the mannequins at Neiman Marcus and uses the word "Brunch" as a verb? Bring her here and bring your American Express, because Neiman Marcus doesn't accept Visa or MasterCard.
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*Ok, so I wasn't actually wearing a Journey T-Shirt, but I did feel a little underdressed wearing an Old Navy long sleeve shirt.
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Bonus points to whomever can differentiate the following equation using the chain rule:
f(x) = (x^2 + 1)^3

5 comments:

Rich said...

What day did you go? We were there on Saturday!

Rich said...

6(2*x+1)^2

Shawn said...

Close, but not quite the answer. We went on Sunday at about noon.

Almost had an embarrasing moment with the bill, but fortunately Mey had her checkbook.

Shawn said...

Oops. Never mind. It seems there was a typo in the equation. I meant (x^2+1)^3, not (x2+1)^3. Rich - you were right.

Mary Tyler Moreno said...

I actually really like this place, but mainly for the ambiance and their bread. The bread they give you is fluffy and to my liking. It's especially nice if you get a table on the balcony semi-overlooking the rollercoaster. It is the perfect brunch place for those first few days of spring or fall. BUT yeah, bring cash!