Josephine Street Café

What’s a good mixed drink that has whiskey in it?

Seriously, it’s still kind of bugging me that the best I could come up with was the frat-boy staple “Jack and Coke”. The white neon signs in the front windows of this old building invite you for “Steaks” and “Whiskey”, and I felt the need to sample both.

Whiskey sour would have been a better choice, but in a convincingly authentic place like the Josephine Street Café I should have been a man and ordered it straight up.

This place is all about atmosphere. Despite being only a stone’s throw from San Antonio’s urban core, it’s amazing how easy it is to forget your proximity to the freeway (the restaurant’s parking lot is underneath 281). After entering through the side door and admiring the plethora of old dirty trucker hats mounted over the bar, my Miata outside transformed into a trusty old F-150. I felt conspicuously bootless.

Now that’s not to say that I was alone in my bootless-ness. There was quite an eclectic mix ranging from bikers to yuppies and everything in between. It’s especially gratifying during this polarizing Obama vs Palin political race to see a bearded hippy sitting adjacent to a conservative sexagenarian couple. Isn’t gentrification great?

Did I mention there’s a tree in the middle of the restaurant? Yup, a tree. And I’m not talking about one of those “let’s plant a tree on arbor day” kind of trees. It’s one of those “Paul Bunyan better clear his calendar” kind of trees.

After a one-drink wait at the bar for the staff to get a table for seven together, we were seated near the window and the 500-year-old sapling. A couple of differently sized card tables were assembled to create our altar of fine dining.

Chips and Queso were expectedly tasty but nothing special. My chicken fried steak with a side of mashed ‘taters was also good but forgettable. It was probably one of the better ones that I’ve had, and it was very reasonable on my wallet. At $8 for my chicken fried artery clogger I feel as though I got a bargain, although my future heart surgeon may disagree.

But really you're here for the ambiance. Prices are good, food isn’t bad, and the floor is appropriately slanted. Don’t go here expecting to be coddled while being spoon-fed veal.

The waitress got the job done efficiently on a busy Friday night and didn’t even complain when we creatively divided the check. I didn’t get any warm fuzzy feelings from her, but this isn’t the sort of place where you expect anyone to kiss your ass. All business, just like my Miata...umm I mean…my F-150.

Food: 3 Cuy
Service: 3 Cuy
Ambiance: 4 Cuy
Value: 4 Cuy

Overall:

Are you looking for a small-town hill country bar and grill, but you can't afford to gas up the Ford? Look no further.

New Poll Added

Check out the poll on the upper right side of the page. Here's some links for each of the choices to allow a more informed decision:

Oloroso
Valentino's
Le Frite
Aldino's

Feel free to make recommendations and I'll add them to the poll.

Coco

Do women taste food differently than men? 

The chef at Coco must think so, as the food I was served at this aspiring yuppie-girl hangout was sub-par by any traditional standards.  Coco is targeting quite a discriminating and demanding audience to expect to get away with that sort of thing.

Dinner wasn’t all bad.  Their interior decorator perhaps had a vampire fetish (red velvet and dark paint), but at least it wasn’t too loud inside.  I made a reservation for a party of seven and we ended up with a group of eight.  Despite giving advance notice, the waiter didn’t seem to realize that this would be a problem until the eighth member of our party arrived, at which point it was embarrassingly late to do something.  The manager seemed much more on top of things, and was able to relocate a married couple (quite awkward for them, I imagine) and steal their table to add to ours.

The waiter’s hesitant nature prevented him from highlighting the menu in any flattering fashion, but he was able to give a brief description of items when asked.

His missteps continued when he brought out Phillip’s fig pizza as an appetizer.  So while everyone else was munching on mediocre entrees, Phillip was eyeing our food with that hungry, unsatisfied gaze that I’m more accustomed to seeing from the opposite sex.  Despite excessive delays between courses and a general lack of confidence, I must say that he was very respectful (he didn’t call me “bro”) and meant well.

The quail appetizer was the lone culinary success of the evening, as the tender meat paired well with the chocolate balsamic reduction and fig puree.  Quite tasty.

For the main course, I had the Shrimp Rouille which surrounded a machego potato puree.  The presentation was nice, with five shrimp decorating a central mound o’ taters, but these diminutive crustaceans were too small for a main course.  These were overdressed appetizer shrimp that surely were destined for a marinara cocktail dip before being diverted to my plate.  The sauce was uninspired and lackluster.

“It’s ok” I told myself.  This place is known for its desserts.  It’s called Coco after all and I don’t think they’re referring to the Columbian nose candy.

Mey went with their signature dessert known as “The Kiss”, and found it to be decent but hardly up to the waiter’s hype.  My “Menage a Trois of Chocolate Mousse” was an insult to three-ways everywhere.  They were average, but a more appropriate name might be “Missionary Position of Chocolate Mousse”.  Good, solid, average mousse.  I mean, I wouldn’t turn it down if offered, but…

Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh.  Nothing I tried was actually bad.  It just wasn’t good enough to warrant a return trip.

Ambiance:  3 Cuy
Service:  3 Cuy
Food:  2 Cuy
Value:  2 Cuy

Overall:

If you’re dating a sorority girl who doesn’t know any better; then this place will get you some action.  And good for you for dating a sorority girl at your age.

Coco's Website

Tre Trattoria

Family style Italian. That’s what they call it.

I call it communism with ravioli.

Very tasty ravioli, which is why I didn’t like sharing.

But let’s start at the beginning. The bar/lounge area was very swanky with creative blue lighting and contemporary furniture. It was almost enough to keep me from feeling bad for being twenty minutes late for a dinner I organized.

Being a large party, we were seated at a large elevated table to accommodate our party of seven. The place was rockin’ on a Friday night with an abundance of loud men in tassled topsiders. Just in case hurricane Gustav made it to San Antonio, these guys were ready.

After the drinks started flowing I found my own volume control quickly set to “self-involved yuppie” anyway. This is a great place for drinking and laughing with a loud party.

I tried the “Tre Martini” which was quite tasty, but hardly worth the twelve dollar asking price.
A tip for the single ladies: order one on your date’s dime. You’re worth it.

Are you wearing that “special” black dress? Order two.

The waiter got me started with an octopus salad, which was the chef’s special of the day. It was a fair salad. Then he kept referring to the men at the table as “bro”. I’m only really comfortable with four groups of people calling me bro:

• my sister (Shannon)
• friends (while inebriated)
• tropical islanders (I don’t know why)
• people instructing me not to “tase” them (ie – "Don't tase me, bro!")

This is too nice of a restaurant not to know the difference.

I went with the mascarpone ravioli for my main course, opting not to partake in the socialist “family style” meatball dish that my friends Rich, Phil, and Joe split among them. My curiosity got the better of me and I did scarf a quarter of a tasty meatball (was that citrus that I tasted?) by the end of dinner. Then I got worse.

I finished off Art’s pappardelle with bolognese and some of Mey’s fettuccini. The bolognese had a well executed lack of complexity; it tasted like Phillip’s Italian grandmother was working off her indentured servitude in the kitchen. Fettucini was almost at room temperature, but showed promise if they hadn’t dropped the ball in preparation. The staunch capitalist inside me was begging for mercy. I even shared some of my succulent ravioli.

I finished the meal with a delightfully carefree Oregon huckleberry milkshake which took me back to an innocent time when….uhmm…well….when my milkshakes didn’t come from Oregon. I must say that it was probably the best milkshake I’ve ever had.

Tip was included at 20% (very un-capitalist) for our party of seven, and Ben Franklin was sacrificed to the dining gods.

Ambiance: 4 cuy
Food: 4 cuy
Service: 2 cuy
Value: 3 cuy

Looking for a place to take a cougar with an annoying laugh? You’ve found it!

Overall:
Tre Trattoria Dinner Menu
Tre Trattoria Website

Dough

Today I met a few friends for lunch at a relativevly new pizza joint called "Dough" at Blanco and 410 and had a pleasant meal. More specifically, it's located in a new strip center on the southwest corner of Blanco and 410. It's facing south, so it's not readily visible from either Blanco or 410, but.....well I'm sure you can find it. If you can't, just give me a call and I'll talk you through it. I've got your back, bro.

We arrived at noon just before the lunch rush and met Phillip who had already staked out a small table for 5 in the corner. We were greeted by a pleasant and prompt waiter who did the usual "present the specials and take the drink order" thing and got me started on a new favorite: Italian Soda. It was brought out along with an order of tasty unpitted olives and above-average flatbread.

Having never been to Italy, I can't verify the authenticity of anything about the restaurant, but while spitting olive pits and drinking a tasty combination of blackberry syrup and sparkling water, I felt inspired to wear an Armani suit with no socks and talk with my hands. The Italian cafe atmosphere is accentuated by outdoor seating allowing my mind to wander farther into the sockless mindset by imagining the gas-guzzling American trucks are replaced with tiny Mediterranean yachts. Still, once inside the strip mall ambiance is surprisingly unnoticeable.

Channelling my adventurous side (do I have one of those?), I went for the Arugala Prosciutto pizza in - you guessed it - LARGE! Man, I'm crazy. It's great to live on the edge, and order more food than you can eat. Both the large and small can be consumed by a single person, with the large being a 12" pie and the small measuring a scant 7 inches across.

It turns out that they don't mess around with the arugala. 'Dough' is known for their neopolitan style of pizza in which (according to the website) they bake "on the wood-burning oven's volcanic stone floor in 90 seconds at temperatures reaching 1000 degrees." The arugula and prosciutto are added after this process, and I must admit it wasn't quite what I was expecting. It's not that I don't like surprises, but it took me a few seconds to figure out that this is really more of a salad served over flatbread than a traditional pizza. Once I came to terms with that fact, I was able to enjoy the meal much more. The truffle oil poured over the arugala added a wonderful flavor that inspired me to eat my leafy greens with enthusiasm. Even though my pizza had a good 5 inches of extra girth, Mey's pork-loving pizza still had me drooling. At the waiter's suggestion, she added egg as an extra topping and despite the increased complexity to eat a slice without egg sliding on the floor, it was well worth it. The carnivore in me wants to go back and try this one full-sized in all of it's non-kosher glory.

The dessert trophy goes to Rich for ordering a delightful espresso-topped gelato with a side of biscotti. I didn't try any myself, but judging by the his lascivious facial expression it was quite clear that he was enjoying his dessert by a much greater margin than the rest of us.

The bill came and the adult beverages were conspicuously absent; we took it to be a kind gesture on the waiter's behalf. We went on our way after discussing the finer points of russian violinists and the cultural preference for women with bangs and left with a tab of approximately $30 per person. I would estimate that we were at the high end of the scale for this place, as I had two italian sodas, flatbread, a large pizza, and an espresso during the leisurely hour and a half lunch.

After reviewing my rating system I've decided to also include a section for value. Being the engineer that I am, I have decided to define value as:

Value = (Quality^2 * Quantity / Price) * Cuy_Constant

where the Cuy_Constant is equal to 0.2 and will be adjusted for inflation at the rate of 3% anually. Actually, since I'm indulging the liberal-arts side of my brain (anybody home in there?) by writing this blog, I will likely throw that out the window and go with an arbitrary value dependent on my mood and bank account balance following the meal.

Ambiance: 3 Cuy
Service: 4 Cuy
Food: 4 Cuy
Value: 3 Cuy

Overall:

Santa Maria Mexican Restaurant (aka Floating Jesus Head)

Working on the southside of San Antonio has its drawbacks. Long work commutes, questionable vehicle safety, and an abundance of loiterers at gas stations are just a few downsides that come to mind. But after getting over the initial fear of the unknown I've come to appreciate the impressive array of radiator repair shops, pawn shops, and....cheap mexican food.

Santa Maria Mexican Restaurant is one of the aforementioned fine dining establishments, which Mey introduced me to after going with some coworkers. Like many of the cafés in the area, the building appears to have been converted from a private residence what it is today. The architectural wrought-iron accents encasing the windows are a nice touch, reminding me of a nearly bygone era where protecting personal property would take precedent over fire safety.

On the lunch shift you'll frequently find telenovelas playing on the 13-inch Daewoo TV mounted on the wall, but today we didn't have such luck. We walk in the side door and seat ourselves, and even though there is always a steady stream of customers for lunch, I've never had a problem finding a table. Table spacing is appropriate and for the most part people spread out.

There is no need to raise your voice for conversation, which is good as the waitresses tend to be quite soft-spoken. Waitresses meet the standard for this type of place, wearing what seems to be almost a universal uniform of tight blue-jeans combined with a tight, white, baby tee. Waitress ages range from "is she old enough to work?" to "is that the michelin man?". They are always very polite, but bear in mind that they speak very little english, which is great because it forces me to use my spanish.
Gringo survival guide:
The first time the waitress asks you a question, listen for the word "tomar" which indicates she is requesting your drink order. Be aware that sodas are served by cans (with ice) and refills aren't free. I usually stick to agua.
The second time she'll probably ask for your food order. The menu is Denny's-style with pictures for everything. The "especial" is usually a good bet and will bring a ton of food for a small amount of money.
This one always catches me. The next question tends to be "do you want flour or corn tortillas with your meal" - in spanish of course. Maiz is corn, harina is flour. Both are tasty.

So on our recent visit, Mey orders a "torta" which is a tasty Mexican sandwich that can be ordered with a variety of meats. It's large enough to fill up most people for lunch and costs a whopping $3.25. I can hardly make a sandwich at home for that little cash. I went with the "especial" which was a mixed fajita plate including chicken (pollo) and beef (rez). As you can see in the picture, it's a lot of food for $5.50.

The food has a very distinct flavor to it. This isn't the over-processed, tasteless food that we eat every day at the nearest Chile's analogue. But it's also not the top grade, straight-from-a-dead-baby-cow-to-you food that you'll find at finer restaurants. It's gristly, fatty, and full of it's own unique flavor. You really have to appreciate it for what it is, and accept that you'll probably have to spit some part of it into your napkin. This really is a beautiful and distinctive type of food that you won't find at the more clinical executions of Mexican food on the north side of town. There's also a ton of it, and you won't leave hungry if you have five bucks in your pocket. You may leave sleepy, though, and productivity has been known to drop in the hours immediately following lunch at Santa Maria.

The hallmark of Santa Maria is a fascinating photograph on the wall of the restaurant. The mirrored frame brings out the subtlety, and while it would be disgustingly tacky in a TGIFridays, this picture is quite obviously someone's pride and joy. The waitress smiled proudly when I took a picture of it for this blog. This photograph appears to have been taken in the 80's, but it's exact age is difficult to gauge. It's important to note that on the day the picture was taken, Jesus and the Virgin Mary were looking down from the heavens and smiling upon the rooftop of this establishment. They can be seen fading into the clouds, and they help to give this restaurant the fascinatingly sincere religious overtone that permeates artwork of the community.

That's why we call it "Floating Jesus Head".

Ambiance: 4 Cuy
Service: 3 Cuy
Food: 3 Cuy
Value: 5 Cuy

Overall:

The Grill

After a particularly grueling day of work, Mey and I decided to head over to The Grill in Leon Springs for a nice Monday evening dinner.

We've been several times before, but it's been a while since our last visit as Mey had a bad experience last time. It seems the waitstaff rushed her out of the restaurant last time because her group came in an hour before closing. She felt as though she received different treatment with her spanish-speaking family than she typically does when she goes with a tall, lanky gringo.

So why on earth would we go back?

Well, after a few months of consideration she decided that although the waiter was clearly in the wrong to rush them, he isn't indicative of the restaurant in it's entirety. Maybe the waiter had a family emergency...or maybe his ex-girlfriend texted him to come over for a booty call. Certainly not excusable, but we've all been there. Well, not me personally, but I've heard of it.

And the food is really good.

That's not to say that there aren't issues with the service. My wife and I walked in and stood at the hostess stand for a conspicuous minute or two with no help. An older country club type came in with his wife and was attended to before us, although the hostess had only a 50/50 shot of telling who arrived first.

We were seated near the kitchen and it's clear that we're not the target audience. That's understandable, as my wife and I aren't dropping crazy money on vintage bordeaux the way that I imagine some of the geriatrics are. It's not too bad because the kitchen is open and beautifully done in copper sheet metal. And it allows me to be less conspicuous using my iPhone camera to capture each course.
At left you can see a view from our table. A friend of mine works for a high-end architectural lighting company that made the interior light fixtures for The Grill. The end result is a nice, contemporary-rustic look. Table spacing allows plenty of room to not be crowded. The noise level is well suited to normal conversation, so there's no need to shout at your spouse. Unless you want to. But that's your business and I'll stay out of it, thank you.

We stayed away from the wine menu to keep the tab low, and I ordered from the Monday night 3 course special menu. Mey ordered the same thing she always does (spicy penne shrimp), which is consistently tasty. I like to mix it up a bit, and live by the seat of my pants. Well, sort of.

I started with ceviche which is a very tricky dish to please me. Mey introduced me to ceviche and in my opinion it should be made with raw seafood which is chemically "cooked" by the lime juice. This method of preparation is rare in restaurants, as they always tend to cook the fish before mixing it, likely for health reasons. This is sacrilege and removes a great deal of the flavor. Why not eat lime-flavored tofu instead? Because it's crap, that's why. Granted, there are those who shy away from strong flavors or seafood, and those philistines can gladly dine on sterile, prosaic, week-old crustaceans. It leaves more of the good stuff for the rest of us.

So needless to say, I wasn't expecting much. I was pleasantly surprised to find they got it half right. The scallops and fish seemed like they were raw (or close), but the shrimp was quite cooked before being mixed in with the lime. Not bad; the two important flavors were there, just not strong enough. Sandbar is still the place to go for ceviche, but this was well above some of the tomato-based concoctions I've had elsewhere. The crackers are for pansies.


On to the main course. The presentation was nice - they use great contemporary dishes that aren't overstated - and the food was interesting. I'm still not sure if I really loved it, but it was interesting and got my palate going. I ordered the smoked pork tenderloin with braised red cabbage and potatoes. The pork did have a nice smoky flavor, but it was too dry and hard which accentuated the smoke more than the pork. The braising sauce was great and really helped to mask the dryness of the meat. The red cabbage and potatoes paired nicely, and made for a tasty combo. I sampled a bit of Mey's spicy pasta, and was pleased that they made this solid dish very well every time we've been. They're not kidding about the spicy part, so be prepared to push the limits of the pleasant passive-aggressive water yielding busperson.


Dessert was standard and had a nice chocolaty presentation on an oversized plate. I didn't get a good picture because I scarfed down the sweets as soon as the waiter brought the cake to the table. I would say dessert is on par with your typical olive garden. It didn't rock my world, but it is chocolate cake, so who can really complain.

Like any self-important food critic, I have devised a restaurant rating method. My Peruvian wife decided that it should be the Dewey-Cuy scale and rated from 0-5 Cuy.

Ambiance: 4 Cuy
Service: 2 Cuy
Food: 4 Cuy

Overall: